do you think reese witherspoon calls her children reese’s pieces cause i hope she does
‘it’s not cold’ said the PE teacher with a coat on
“running for 20 minutes isn’t that bad”, said the PE teacher from the chair
‘you’ve got to stay healthy’ said the PE teacher eating a mars bar
“Being on your period is no excuse.” said the male PE teacher with no uterus.
me to the hairdresser: thankyou so much, this is perfect, the best haircut ever!
me on the inside: WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE, GLUE IT BACK ON, I WANT A REFUND
Via/Follow The Absolute Greatest Posts…ever.
so i called the nearby starbucks to see if they were open because my dad wasn’t sure and wanted me to ask so i asked them in gollum’s voice “HELLO IS PRECIOUS OPEN TODAY?”
and the guy on the other line replied with “YES PRECIOUS IS OPEN TODAY UNTIL 3 MY PRECIOUS YESSSSSSSS”
I FUCKING FLIPPED OUT AND I WAS LAUGHING AND SOBBING
AND THE GUY ON THE OTHER LINE ASKED “IS PRECIOUS OKAY”