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kanyewesticle:

do you think reese witherspoon calls her children reese’s pieces cause i hope she does

sly-mcp:

whothefuckisalexturner:

abhortion:

ginnifergoodwins:

foodtrucker:

‘it’s not cold’ said the PE teacher with a coat on

#glad to know it’s international

#’it’s just drizzling’ said the PE teacher opening an umbrella

“running for 20 minutes isn’t that bad”, said the PE teacher from the chair

‘you’ve got to stay healthy’ said the PE teacher eating a mars bar

“Being on your period is no excuse.” said the male PE teacher with no uterus.

→ Me after a haircut:

lulz-time:

planetsoda:

me to the hairdresser: thankyou so much, this is perfect, the best haircut ever!
me on the inside: WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE, GLUE IT BACK ON, I WANT A REFUND

Via/Follow The Absolute Greatest Posts…ever.

merrymrdarcy:

so i called the nearby starbucks to see if they were open because my dad wasn’t sure and wanted me to ask so i asked them in gollum’s voice “HELLO IS PRECIOUS OPEN TODAY?”

and the guy on the other line replied with “YES PRECIOUS IS OPEN TODAY UNTIL 3 MY PRECIOUS YESSSSSSSS”

I FUCKING FLIPPED OUT AND I WAS LAUGHING AND SOBBING

AND THE GUY ON THE OTHER LINE ASKED “IS PRECIOUS OKAY”



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